I have serious depression and anxiety.
Currently I am seeing 3 different councellors…
On November 28, 2011 I finally told people what really happened five and a half years…
My best friend at the time lived a half a block away.
It was the summer after sixth grade her brother came to visit.
Ian was his name… He was 16 or 17 or 18…
At first him hanging around was fine. I mean he didn’t know anyone around there, he was visiting from Arizona.
But after awhile he started making friends, but he would ditch them to hang out with me and my friend…
Where ever I went he was there,
Sometimes, I could swear I would see him out of my bedroom window at night.
It started to be creepy. But I just ignored it…
What did I know, I was 12.
But then I spent the night at their house one night…
I slept in the living room, so did he.
I don’t know why I thought it was okay at the time…
But when I was going to sleep he started tickling me…
When I get tickled I freeze up, and I can’t do anything.
The last thing I remember is his hand moving up my inner thigh into my boxers…
I don’t know what the fuck happened…
I think that is what scares me the most.
I don’t know what he did exactly. I just know it was something bad. Something so awful that I still can’t remember.
Where when ever I get tickled now, I scream bloody murder and then go into flashbacks…
I am so fucking ticklish too.
I can’t stand it.

November 28th was also the day that I checked myself into the psych ward… Things were getting so fucking hard I couldn’t stand anything anymore… Fuck I can barely stand anything still…
Brother Ali was one of the artists that I kept listening to while I was in the ward…
In away, he is who kept me sane in the psych ward…
I remember when I first heard, met, and saw him…
It was Bumbershoot 08 I believe… By far one of my favorite Bumbershoot.
I am glad my friend Simon made me listen to him.
I was just getting into hip hop music at the time. I am so happy that I have gotten into it now. It has helped me out so fucking much. Thank you so much.